The Elephant in the Room

As my Chinese language skills become more refined and complex, a new tactic for improvement has emerged- talking to strangers in the numerous late night establishments open in Xi'an. In many ways this is the counterpart to my formal morning classes, where I get to use the new words and structures I've learned in a practical and applied way. I also get an inroad into the psyche and culture of the modern Chinese. Last week, as I was sitting at a table of 6 Chinese men and women playing dice games and chatting about our likes and dislikes, one of the men at the table asked me if I liked the movie American Pie. I told him that when I was a teenager I watched it quite a bit because the topic of the movie was teenage boys looking for sex in the confusing world of high school. When I mentioned the word, sex, he immediately told me that they do not talk about sex and that it was impolite to even mention the topic of the movie he brought up and clearly liked. I told him that this was the truth and to leave out the most common thread unifying the movie takes all of the meaning away. He said it doesn't matter, sex just isn't talked about.

This conversation is emblematic of the contradictions inherent in modern Chinese society. Sex is a taboo, a dirty little secret to be kept in the privacy of one's home, not a part of public discussion. While at the same time, sex is also a central part of public policy. With the One Child Policy, China as a county exerts

the most influence on the personal sex lives of its citizens and with good reason. Unchecked population growth in the already largest country in the world would be destabilising to say the least. To address this issue, condom usage is also promoted by the government. Underneath the city wall is a public park that is a popular place among young Chinese couples. All along the footpaths are public service advertisements encouraging the couples to use condoms in order to avoid disease and pregnancy. This is certainlya proactive approach to addressing the fundamental issue of population. Sex, for both reproduction and pleasure seeking, after all is a central component of the human experience. It is impossible to repress.

At the other end of the spectrum of are the dichotomies of pornography and prostitution in China. Both pornography and prostitution are illegal in China, however the level of acceptability varies greatly. In China, the government takes active steps to block the availability of Internet pornography. In one fell swoop in 2007, the government blocked over 30,000 pornographic websites from access. Although their ability to fully exclude the most popular usage of the Internet remains to be see. There are no sexual magazines, or videos, and the idea of a “sex shop” are almost virtually nonexistent most places in China. Prostitution is also illegal but the attitude is much more permissive. Prostitution is available at all levels of society ranging from street side “hair salons” to high end live-in mistresses with all you could imagine in between. At the high end, often married men with money will finance the entire lifestyle of a young woman for the opportunity to come knocking on her door when ever he wants. The term for these women is er nai, which means second milk. I have even been told that some extremely wealthy and powerful Chinese men will house their er nai in the United States and that there is even a town in Los Angeles that has a large concentration of them. Massage parlors, karaoke places, and some bars also provide sex for sale. However, despite their clearly obvious purposes and their illegality, as long as they do their business in private, brothels are allowed to operate with little or no interference.

Hospitals for sexual and reproductive health also abound. To address the fact the the topic is of some embarrassment and is difficult for many to talk about, hospitals have aggressive advertising campaigns. Toilet paper is not provided at most places of business, and thus it is the job of the customer to come prepared. One reproductive health hospital has taken to printing its messages as well as its prices on free packets of tissues. I almost always take them because they are convenient and free but I never actually took out a dictionary and read the “menu” until a few days ago. The standard rate for an abortion is 50 yuan ($7) and contraceptive pills are 40 yuan ($5.50). Also available are a variety of cosmetic surgeries. The cost of “returning virginity” is 200 yuan ($28) while the cost of a “vagina narrowing” is 400 yuan ($57). Also available for men are circumcision, erectile dysfunction medicine, and fertility drugs. However none of the prices are listed on the male side of the tissue package. The main users of these facilities are sex workers. So, it may seem that even though sex is not a topic of discussion amongst anyone considering themselves respectable. It is clearly the elephant in the room that no one is talking about.